Chapter 1

अर्जुनविषादयोग

Arjuna's Big Oof Moment

The Gita's intro is all about the epic Mahabharata showdown between the Pandavas and Kauravas. Arjuna's about to go full beast mode, but then he sees his fam and friends on the other side and is like, 'OMG, I'm gonna have to totally slay my peeps?! That's messed up!' Dude's totally bummed and hits up Krishna for some serious life advice. That's where the whole Gita thing kicks off.

Verse 1

Dhritarashtra was all, 'Yo Sanjaya, what was the lowdown with my crew and the Pandavas when they all met up, hyped for a straight-up battle at Kurukshetra?'

Verse 2

Sanjaya said: Yo, Duryodhana saw the Pandavas' army, all decked out for battle, and was like, 'Bet.' Then, this dude straight-up hits up his teacher, Drona, and spills the tea.

Verse 3

Yo, Sensei! Check out this massive army of Pandu's kids, all lined up by Drupada's son, your super smart student.

Verse 4

Yo, check it: We got these total badass heroes here, archers who are straight-up fire. They're like, on the same level as Bhima and Arjuna in battle. It's Yuyudhana (aka Satyaki), Virata, and Drupada—all total war gods.

Verse 5

Yo, check it: Dhrishtaketu, Chekitana, the Kasi king who's a total savage, Purujit, Kuntibhoja, and Saibya—the ultimate GOATs.

Verse 6

Yudhamanyu, that dude was straight up ripped. Uttamaujas? Total savage. Abhimanyu, Subhadra and Arjuna's son? Bro was a legend. And Draupadi's sons? They were all elite chariot drivers, no cap. All of them were total MVPs.

Verse 7

Yo, best of the twice-born, you gotta know the names of the big dogs on my team, the leaders of my army. I'm spilling the tea for you, fam.

Verse 8

Yo, Bhishma, Karna, Kripa, that war hero, Asvatthama, Vikarna, and Somadatta's son Bhurisrava—they're all, like, totally hyped for this battle, no cap.

Verse 9

And like, a whole bunch of other heroes, low-key ready to die for me, all strapped with different weapons and missiles, and they're all, like, total battle pros.

Verse 10

Our army, led by Bhishma, is, like, totally weak sauce. Theirs, led by Bhima? Yeah, they're stacked.

Verse 11

So like, all you peeps in your army squads, protect Bhishma, no cap.

Verse 12

His hypebeast grandpa, the ultimate Kaurava OG, let out this sick lion roar to boost Duryodhana's confidence and blew his conch.

Verse 13

Then, outta nowhere, the Kauravas' side went *boom* with conches, kettledrums, tabors, drums, and cow horns. It was, like, the loudest thing ever.

Verse 14

Then, Madhava (Krishna) and Pandu's son (Arjuna), straight-up vibin' in their fire chariot hitched to white horses, blew some divine conch shells.

Verse 15

Krishna hit that Panchajanya conch, straight fire. Arjuna blew his Devadatta, no cap. And Bhima, the wolf-belly dude, straight up blasted that Paundra conch. Bet.

Verse 16

Yo, King Yudhishthira, Kunti's son, straight-up blew the Anantavijaya conch. Nakula and Sahadeva were all, like, 'bet,' and blew the Sughosha and Manipushpaka conches.

Verse 17

The Kasi king? Total archery pro. Sikhandi? Epic car warrior. Dhrishtadyumna, Virata, and Satyaki? Unbeatable, no cap.

Verse 18

Yo, Drupada, Draupadi's sons, and Abhimanyu (Subhadra's son, the total bro with the massive guns), each blew their shells, like, totally separately.

Verse 19

The sound was straight up bussin', it ripped through Dhritarashtra's crew's hearts and shook the whole dang universe.

Verse 20

Yo, Krishna, Lord of the Earth! So, I see the whole Dhritarashtra squad, all decked out and ready to rumble. Weapons are about to start flying. It's go time. I'm Arjuna, son of Pandu, and my flag is a monkey. I've got my bow ready.

Verse 21

Arjuna said, "Yo Krishna, park my chariot between both armies, so I can suss out who's tryna throw hands and know who I'm fighting when this battle starts."

Verse 22

Arjuna said, "Yo Krishna, park my chariot between both armies, so I can scope out all the peeps ready to rumble and suss out who I'm squaring up against when this war drops."

Verse 23

I wanna see who's here to fight, tryna be all up in Duryodhana's good graces, that dude's a total villain, and he's Dhritarashtra's son.

Verse 24

Sanjaya said, Yo, after Arjuna schooled Krishna, the chariot king parked his ride, straight up, between both armies, Dhritarashtra. No cap.

Verse 25

Yo, Arjuna, son of Pritha, peep this: it's a total Kuru fest right here, right now.

Verse 26

Yo, Arjuna (son of Pritha) saw his whole fam—dads, grandpas, teachers, uncles, bros, sons, grandkids, and even his besties—all lined up for battle. It was a total family reunion, but, like, a deadly one.

Verse 27

Yo, Arjuna, son of Kunti, saw his whole fam and friends, all lined up for battle. Seeing all his peeps like that, he was, like, totally bummed and felt super bad.

Verse 28

Arjuna said, "Yo Krishna, seeing my crew all here, hyped for a fight is crazy."

Verse 29

Bro, my limbs are dead, my mouth is dry AF, I'm shaking like crazy, and my hair is standing on end.

Verse 30

My Gandiva's, like, totally slipping out of my hands, and my skin is burning up! I can't even stand, my mind's all messed up.

Verse 31

I'm seeing some straight-up bad vibes, O Kesava. Slaying my fam in battle? No way, that's not a W.

Verse 32

I'm not tryna flex, Krishna, I don't even want the W, a kingdom, or any good times. Like, what's the point of being the boss, or having fun, or even living?

Verse 33

The people we're tryna get the W for, the clout, and the drip? Yeah, they're right here, in this battle, ready to yeet their lives and bank accounts for the cause.

Verse 34

Teachers, pops, sons, and grandpas, moms' bros, father-in-laws, grandkids, bros-in-law, and all the other fam—

Verse 35

I'm not tryna yeet these dudes, Krishna, even if they tryna yeet me first, for the sake of ruling everything. Forget about killing them for just this planet.

Verse 36

Bruh, slaying the Dhartarashtra crew? What's the tea? Zero chill vibes, Janardana. That's some straight-up bad karma, fam.

Verse 37

So, like, no way we're taking out the sons of Dhritarashtra—they're our fam! How are we gonna be happy, slaying our own crew, Madhava?

Verse 38

Even tho these peeps are totally consumed by greed, they don't see the total L of destroying families or betraying their friends.

Verse 39

Yo, Janardana (Krishna), why would we, who totally see how messed up it is to destroy families, not, like, totally ditch that messed up behavior?

Verse 40

Yo, if a family gets totally wiped out, their ancient traditions are gone for good. And if their spirituality gets destroyed, total craziness takes over the whole fam.

Verse 41

Yo Krishna, when things get hella wicked, the women in the fam get corrupted, and when that happens, it's total chaos, Varshneya. The whole caste system gets all messed up.

Verse 42

Yo, caste mixing is a total nightmare. It's hell for anyone who, like, totally murdered their fam. Their ancestors? They're donezo, no food offerings or water for them.

Verse 43

Yo, these total family-wrecking, caste-system-trashing moves? They straight-up obliterate the ancient, legit rules of the family and caste system. No cap.

Verse 44

Yo, Janardana, we heard that peeps whose fams ditched their religious game are totally screwed and goin' straight to hell for an indefinite amount of time, no cap.

Verse 45

OMG, we're totally screwed! We're about to commit a major no-no, like, killing our own fam for some stupid kingdom clout.

Verse 46

If the Dhritarashtra kids, all decked out with their weapons, were to, like, totally slay me in battle, and I'm chillin', unarmed and unbothered, that would low-key be better for me.

Verse 47

Sanjaya said: Arjuna, like, totally dropped his bow and arrow in the middle of the battlefield. His mind was, like, wrecked with grief, and he just sat his butt down on the chariot seat.